Life as Middle
I have always thought about my place as
the middle child in my family- what it means for me and if it has really had an
effect on me. I am the middle child of three children: I have an older brother
and a younger sister. My birth order has definitely had an impact on not only
my personality, but also the characteristics, values, and outlooks that make me
“me”. Moreover, as I have grown, my outlook on being a middle child has
developed into a new understanding and appreciation. The middle child is often referred
to as the “neglected” child, but many middle kids can tell you, that this characterization
is often very wrong. Although some may agree with the “neglected child” claim,
there are alternative sides to the stereotype that are often overshadowed.
The middle child is neither the
“firstborn” or the “baby” of the family so many, including middle children
themselves, are inclined to view the middle child as having it the hardest. Middle
children often face a multitude of stereotypes: confused underachievers, always
outshined by their siblings, and snubbed by their parents. They also may feel
out of place or “feel like they don’t belong—in other words, that they suffer
from “Middle Child Syndrome” as Katrin
Schumann, co-author of The Secret Power of Middle Children explains
(Griffin). In an interview held with my longtime friend and fellow middle child
Kelly Pizzirani, Kelly in a sense confirms having the Middle Child Syndrome
that Schumann talks about when she states, “I’ve always felt a little bit of
disconnect from the way my parents have treated me versus my siblings…I have
recognized many times where I wasn’t receiving as much attention” (Kelly).
Attention
seems to be a primary disadvantage “middles” have a problem with. Because of
this, studies show that there are some psychological challenges middles face in
relation to having this birth order. In a psychological research study on birth
order, Professor Srivastava identifies “ordinal position is
associated with disparities in parental investment, which can lead to
differences in behavior, health, and mortality” (Srivastava). Some of these
differences in behavior include acting out often, having low self-esteem, and
being more introverted than one’s siblings. Other psychological studies have
been done on how birth order affects personality. The most common affects stem
from the way parents handle their children differently depending on age and
also the relationships the child has with his or her siblings. Sibling
relationship is key in understanding personality development of middle
children. In many instances, middles are accustomed to seeing the unending
support and pride parents have with their oldest and the sympathy and pampering
that is given to the youngest. This causes many middle children to become more
distant and independent then their other siblings. In my interview with Kelly,
she touched upon being more reserved and introverted than her siblings. Toward
the end of our conversation she comes to the realization that “(She is) definitely the most introverted
out of my siblings and I think this could be due to the fact that I thought I
was always being overshadowed. This made me keep a lot of things to myself and
become a lot more independent” (Kelly).
If you are a middle child yourself, you
may relate to these categorizations spot on. If not, you may have gathered your
own ideas about birth order due to personal experience or even from what you
have seen on television shows. Middle children tend to have a bad “rep” on
televisions shows and sitcoms. Looking back on TV shows and movies from
childhood, many personality traits are repeated over and over again. Writers of
these shows tend to portray the middle child character as embodying the
stereotypes society commonly has about them. For example, Stephanie Tanner is
the middle child in the wildly popular 90s American sitcom, Full House. Even
though Stephanie grows up in a more unconventional family than most, her middle
child symptoms are persistent throughout the show. She is seen as the
blabbermouth of the family always calling for attention with her exuberant
personality. However, Stephanie’s call for attention always seems to be shifted
to the backburner with her older and younger sisters’ attention taking the
spotlight. She often results to defiant ways in order to become noticed and
there is even an episode titled “Middle Age Crazy” in which Stephanie’s
accomplishments are sidelined to the attention her little sister Michelle
receives. Take another look at the more dated but beloved show, The Brady
Bunch. Jan Brady is seen as the poster
child of Middle Child Syndrome. Stuck in the middle of her sisters, Jan
frequently has feelings of inadequacy and invisibility while constantly being paralleled
to her perfect, polished older sister Marcia. Crystal Bates, author of the article The Fault in ‘Middle Child Syndrome’ and college student, explains
her point of view on the way media portrays middle child characters. She argues
that “Middle Child Syndrome’ is a personality trait that has been
overemphasized in media, attaching a negative connotation to certain children
just because of birth order” (Bates). Middle child traits tend to be
exaggerated on television and sitcoms providing fuel to the fire of
stereotypes.
In recent years, new studies on middle children have started
to overshadow the undesirable characteristics of middle children that are
popularly portrayed on the big screen. In fact, new findings show that is it an
advantage to be the middle child of a
family. Katrin Schumann continues her analysis of middle children in another
article for Daily Mail by saying “the
stereotype does not correspond to reality… middle children are more likely than
their siblings to be successful and enjoy strong social lives and flourishing
careers” (Schumann). The apparent disadvantages that middle children commonly
face turn out to be very beneficial. For starters, middles get to have the
experience of both being and older and younger sibling. They get to take on
both the mentor and learner roles, which are both critical skills to have.
Middle children also adapt proficient qualities and learn life lessons that
they can carry with them throughout their lives. These qualities include but
are not limited to skillful peacemakers, creative thinkers, and excellent
communication skills.
For decades, conventional wisdom has assumed that middle
children, those born in between older and younger siblings, tend to have a
tougher time growing up. I have firsthand dealt with some of the challenges
that come with being stuck in the middle of two siblings. However, throughout
my experience I have realized all of the positives aspects on being a middle
child and how it has shaped the person I am today. So for all the middles out there
who feel like they get the short end of the stick, your position has perhaps
put you in the luckiest position of all.
