Olivia
Celoni
Professor
Kirsten Kaschock
English
102-118
11
March 2016
Stuck in the Middle
I have always thought about my place as
the middle child in my family- what this birth order means to me and if it has
really had an effect on me. I am the middle child of three children: I have an
older brother and a younger sister. My birth order has definitely had an impact
on not only my personality, but also the characteristics, values, and outlooks
that make me the person I am. Moreover, as I have grown, my outlook on being a
middle child has developed into a new understanding and appreciation. The
middle child is often represented as the neglected child on television and
sitcoms, but many middle kids can tell you, that this characterization is often
very wrong. Although some may agree with the “neglected child” claim, there are
alternative sides to the stereotype that are often overshadowed. Because of
their birth order, middle children adapt handy tactics and useful skills that
far surpass the common negative attitudes media has toward them.
The middle child is neither the
“firstborn” or the “baby” of the family, so many, including middle children
themselves, are inclined to view the middle child as having it the hardest. “Within
their families, they are said to be neglected, underestimated and misunderstood”
as Katrin Schumann, co-author of The
Secret Power of Middle Children explains (Griffin). Middle children
often face a multitude of stereotypes: confused underachievers, always
outshined by their siblings, and snubbed by their parents. Growing up in my
family, I can affirm the notion of being gypped due to my birth order. I was (and
still am) the middle child who was accustomed to getting “hand-me-downs” from my
older brother-so used to it that getting something brand new felt rare or
nonexistent. But somehow, every time we got around to handing them down to my
younger sister, “the baby”, it was time to go shopping again. What may seem
like little instances as such, these particular moments can cause middle children
to feel out of place or “feel like they don’t belong—in other words, that they
suffer from “Middle Child Syndrome” (Griffin).
In an
interview held with my longtime friend and fellow middle child Kelly Pizzirani,
Kelly confirms having the Middle Child Syndrome that Schumann distinctly talks
about when she states, “I’ve always felt a little bit of disconnect from the
way my parents have treated me versus my siblings…I have recognized many times
where I wasn’t receiving as much attention” (Kelly). Kelly explains that there
were particular instances that put her on edge, like when her and her older
sister were being scouted by college coaches for athletic scholarships. “When I
received an offer from my top choice and my sister didn’t, I felt like my accomplishment
was completely surpassed by my parent’s empathy toward my sister” (Kelly).
Attention
seems to be a primary disadvantage “middles” have a problem with. In a
psychological research study on birth order, Professor Srivastava
identifies “ordinal position is associated with disparities in parental
investment, which can lead to differences in behavior, health, and mortality”
(Srivastava). Some of these differences in behavior include acting out often,
having low self-esteem, and being more introverted than one’s siblings. I know that I dealt with this dilemma firsthand when
my younger sister, Adela was first born. Even at such a young age, I felt a
pretty distinct attention shift going from being the youngest and first girl of
the family to now a middle child with a younger sister. Frustrated and confused
by the less attention I was receiving; I resulted to boisterous actions in
desperate hope to win it back. I would go through phases of huge behavioral
shifts, testing out which persona would draw the most focus on me. While this
may seem pathetic, studies like Professor Srivastava’s show that there are indeed
some behavioral challenges “middles” face in relation to having this birth
order.
Other psychological studies have been
done on how birth order affects personality. The most common affects stem from
the way parents handle their children differently depending on age and also the
relationships the child has with his or her siblings. Sibling relationship is
key in understanding personality development of middle children. I
was never the introverted genius of the family like my older brother, nor the
charismatic, outgoing athlete in my family like my sister. I lacked an
automatic identity, so I sought to figure out my own.
In many instances,
middles are accustomed to seeing the unending support and pride parents have
with their oldest and the sympathy and pampering that is given to the youngest.
This disparity in treatment causes many middle children to become more distant
and independent then their other siblings. In my interview with Kelly, she
touched upon being more reserved and autonomous than her siblings. Toward the
end of our conversation she came to the realization that “(She is) definitely the most introverted
out of my siblings and I think this could be due to the fact that I thought I
was always being overshadowed. This made me keep a lot of things to myself and
become a lot more independent” (Kelly).
If you are a middle child yourself, you
may relate to these categorizations spot on. If not, you may have gathered your
own ideas about birth order due to personal experience or even from what you
have seen on television shows. Middle children tend to have a bad “rep” on
televisions shows and sitcoms such as Full
House, The Brady Bunch, and Modern Family. Looking back on TV shows
and movies from childhood, many personality traits are repeated over and over
again. Writers of these shows tend to portray the middle child character as
embodying the stereotypes society commonly has about them. For example,
Stephanie Tanner is the middle child in the wildly popular 90s American sitcom,
Full House. Even though Stephanie
grows up in a more unconventional family than most, her middle child symptoms
are persistent throughout the show. She is seen as the blabbermouth of the
family always calling for attention with her exuberant personality and
shenanigans. However, Stephanie’s call for attention always seems to be shifted
to the backburner with her older and younger sisters’ attention taking the
spotlight. She often results to defiance in order to become noticed; there is
even an episode titled “Middle Age Crazy” in which Stephanie’s accomplishments
are sidelined to the attention her little sister Michelle receives. Take
another look at the more dated but beloved show, The Brady Bunch. Jan Brady is seen
as the poster child for Middle Child Syndrome. Stuck smack in the middle of two
sisters, Jan frequently has feelings of inadequacy and invisibility while
constantly being paralleled to her perfect, polished older sister Marcia. Crystal Bates, author of the article The Fault in ‘Middle Child Syndrome’ and
college student argues that “Middle Child Syndrome’ is a personality trait that
has been overemphasized in media, attaching a negative connotation to certain
children just because of birth order” (Bates). The pattern of middle child
traits being exaggerated on television and sitcoms is still prevalent in the
current hit show Modern Family. Alex Dunphy, the know-it-all genius of the
Dunphy children, endlessly struggles to get her accomplishments but her shallow
older sister Haley and goofy little brother Luke always seem to take the
spotlight. As writers continue to follow this trend regarding birth order, fuel
is continuously added to the fire of stereotypes surrounding middle children.
Media’s portrayal of middle children seemed to be reinforced
by a recent study that revealed that eldest children are, on average, more well
off than their younger siblings. However, as interest in this subject matter
has increased, newer studies on middle children have started to overshadow the
undesirable characteristics of middle children that are popularly portrayed on
the big screen. In fact, new findings show that the middle child of a family
can be an advantage. Katrin Schumann continues her analysis of middle children
in another article for Daily Mail by
saying “the stereotype does not correspond to reality… middle children are more
likely than their siblings to be successful and enjoy strong social lives and
flourishing careers” (Schumann). The apparent disadvantages that middle
children commonly face turn out to be beneficial. For starters, middles get to
have the experience of both being and older and younger sibling. This is
something that I have not come to appreciate until more recently. I have
learned that being able to take on the mentor role to my younger sister as well
as the learner role from my older brother is a life experience that has been so
critical in my growth. My experience as a middle child has molded me into a
proficient problem solver and adept listener. Middles also adapt skillful
qualities and learn lessons that they can carry with them throughout their
lives. These qualities include but are not limited to skillful peacemakers,
creative thinkers, and excellent communication skills. As Schumann’s research
found, middle children “tend to have high degrees of patience, perhaps because
they spend so much of their time in childhood waiting their turn” (Schumann). Less
egocentric than the pioneering eldest sibling or the pampered youngest, middles
generally have higher levels of empathy, loyalty and the capability to see
other people’s point of view.
It is no coincidence that middle children who are instilled
with these skills turn out to be incredibly prosperous people. Some of the most
successful individuals of our present time such as Microsoft genius Bill Gates,
anti-apartheid leader Nelson Mandela, and civil rights trailblazer Martin
Luther King Junior all grew up as middles. The attachment to fairness is one of
the most striking features in middle children which is perhaps why so many of
the more ambitious of them become reforming politicians or agents for social
change. They yearn to challenge injustice. In a broader sense, the role of a
“middle” in our society is essential. Middle child and editorial writer Heidi
Legg calls attention to the disparity of a “middle” in our culture:
“And so
here we are… without a middle: No middle income, no middle view on the
environment, middle road, and moderation. It's green juicing or Monsanto. It's
the Kardashians or NPR. It's super zip codes full of millionaires at private
schools or broken public education” (Legg).
We live
in a time where the current extremes of American society have increased and
grown louder. Today’s world is full of polar extremes and is lacking the
harmony that middle can provide. Legg
stresses that, “The hollowing out of the middle in America has led to the
greatest gaps in income, food and education inequity” (Legg). Where is the
middle child? I have come to appreciate
what the middle represents and why it is vital to a society's well being. The
middle offsets the polar extremes and brings them together to create a balance.
It is important to recognize the significance the middle entails: whether it is
with middle children or the middle class in society, it is evident that the
“middle” need not be neglected.
For decades, conventional wisdom has assumed that middle
children, those born in between older and younger siblings, tend to have a
tougher time growing up. However, much of this indignation is misconstrued. I
have firsthand dealt with some of the challenges that come with being stuck in
the middle of two siblings. Yes, at times it is in fact tough and there are
many instances where I felt engulfed with frustration from being stuck in the
middle. However, the time did come where I was able to step back and process
the blessings I have attained from this. I have realized all of the positives
aspects of being a middle child and how it has shaped me into the well-rounded and
flourishing person I am today. So for all the middles out there who feel like
they get the short end of the stick, your position has perhaps put you in the
luckiest position of all.
Works Cited
Bates,
Crystal. "The Fault in 'Middle Child Syndrome'" Looking in the
Popular Culture Mirror. Word Press, 14 Aug. 2015. Web. 10 Feb. 2016.
Griffin,
Lynee. "The Secret Power of Middle Children." Psychology
Today. Sussex Publishers, 8 Oct. 2012. Web. 2 Feb. 2016.
Kelly Pizzirani, personal communication,
February 2, 2016.
Legg, Heidi. "Why
America Needs a Middle Child." The Huffington Post.
TheHuffingtonPost.com, 15 Aug. 2015. Web. 06 Mar. 2016.
Schumann, Katrin.
"Middle Children Are MORE Successful: That's the Surprising Finding of New
Research. So Is It True about Your Family?" Daily Mail. Associated
Newspapers Ltd, 31 Jan. 2016. Web. 4 Feb. 2016.
Srivastava, S. K. "Study
the Effect of Achievement Motivation among Birth Orders." Journal of
Psychosocial Research 6.2 (2011): 169-78. ProQuest. Web. 12 Feb.
2016.
