Life as Middle

I have always thought about my place as the middle child in my family- what it means for me and if it has really had an effect on me. I am the middle child of three children: I have an older brother and a younger sister. My birth order has definitely had an impact on not only my personality, but also the characteristics, values, and outlooks that make me “me”. Moreover, as I have grown, my outlook on being a middle child has developed into a new understanding and appreciation. The middle child is often referred to as the “neglected” child, but many middle kids can tell you, that this characterization is often very wrong. Although some may agree with the “neglected child” claim, there are alternative sides to the stereotype that are often overshadowed.

The middle child is neither the “firstborn” or the “baby” of the family so many, including middle children themselves, are inclined to view the middle child as having it the hardest. Middle children often face a multitude of stereotypes: confused underachievers, always outshined by their siblings, and snubbed by their parents. They also may feel out of place or “feel like they don’t belong—in other words, that they suffer from “Middle Child Syndrome” as Katrin Schumann, co-author of The Secret Power of Middle Children explains (Griffin). In an interview held with my longtime friend and fellow middle child Kelly Pizzirani, Kelly in a sense confirms having the Middle Child Syndrome that Schumann talks about when she states, “I’ve always felt a little bit of disconnect from the way my parents have treated me versus my siblings…I have recognized many times where I wasn’t receiving as much attention” (Kelly).

Attention seems to be a primary disadvantage “middles” have a problem with. Because of this, studies show that there are some psychological challenges middles face in relation to having this birth order. In a psychological research study on birth order, Professor Srivastava identifies “ordinal position is associated with disparities in parental investment, which can lead to differences in behavior, health, and mortality” (Srivastava). Some of these differences in behavior include acting out often, having low self-esteem, and being more introverted than one’s siblings. Other psychological studies have been done on how birth order affects personality. The most common affects stem from the way parents handle their children differently depending on age and also the relationships the child has with his or her siblings. Sibling relationship is key in understanding personality development of middle children. In many instances, middles are accustomed to seeing the unending support and pride parents have with their oldest and the sympathy and pampering that is given to the youngest. This causes many middle children to become more distant and independent then their other siblings. In my interview with Kelly, she touched upon being more reserved and introverted than her siblings. Toward the end of our conversation she comes to the realization that “(She is) definitely the most introverted out of my siblings and I think this could be due to the fact that I thought I was always being overshadowed. This made me keep a lot of things to myself and become a lot more independent” (Kelly).

If you are a middle child yourself, you may relate to these categorizations spot on. If not, you may have gathered your own ideas about birth order due to personal experience or even from what you have seen on television shows. Middle children tend to have a bad “rep” on televisions shows and sitcoms. Looking back on TV shows and movies from childhood, many personality traits are repeated over and over again. Writers of these shows tend to portray the middle child character as embodying the stereotypes society commonly has about them. For example, Stephanie Tanner is the middle child in the wildly popular 90s American sitcom, Full House. Even though Stephanie grows up in a more unconventional family than most, her middle child symptoms are persistent throughout the show. She is seen as the blabbermouth of the family always calling for attention with her exuberant personality. However, Stephanie’s call for attention always seems to be shifted to the backburner with her older and younger sisters’ attention taking the spotlight. She often results to defiant ways in order to become noticed and there is even an episode titled “Middle Age Crazy” in which Stephanie’s accomplishments are sidelined to the attention her little sister Michelle receives. Take another look at the more dated but beloved show, The Brady Bunch. Jan Brady is seen as the poster child of Middle Child Syndrome. Stuck in the middle of her sisters, Jan frequently has feelings of inadequacy and invisibility while constantly being paralleled to her perfect, polished older sister Marcia. Crystal Bates, author of the article The Fault in ‘Middle Child Syndrome’ and college student, explains her point of view on the way media portrays middle child characters. She argues that “Middle Child Syndrome’ is a personality trait that has been overemphasized in media, attaching a negative connotation to certain children just because of birth order” (Bates). Middle child traits tend to be exaggerated on television and sitcoms providing fuel to the fire of stereotypes.

In recent years, new studies on middle children have started to overshadow the undesirable characteristics of middle children that are popularly portrayed on the big screen. In fact, new findings show that is it an advantage to be the middle child of a family. Katrin Schumann continues her analysis of middle children in another article for Daily Mail by saying “the stereotype does not correspond to reality… middle children are more likely than their siblings to be successful and enjoy strong social lives and flourishing careers” (Schumann). The apparent disadvantages that middle children commonly face turn out to be very beneficial. For starters, middles get to have the experience of both being and older and younger sibling. They get to take on both the mentor and learner roles, which are both critical skills to have. Middle children also adapt proficient qualities and learn life lessons that they can carry with them throughout their lives. These qualities include but are not limited to skillful peacemakers, creative thinkers, and excellent communication skills.

For decades, conventional wisdom has assumed that middle children, those born in between older and younger siblings, tend to have a tougher time growing up. I have firsthand dealt with some of the challenges that come with being stuck in the middle of two siblings. However, throughout my experience I have realized all of the positives aspects on being a middle child and how it has shaped the person I am today. So for all the middles out there who feel like they get the short end of the stick, your position has perhaps put you in the luckiest position of all.